powerhungry | SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

📌 @ EVERYONE
📢 HOT FROM THE HR PRESSES 📢

happy hex club opening weekend!!!

unfortunately your guest of honor (me, the reason your life is worth living) will be unable to attend 💔 yours truly is overdue for a self-care vacay, so i'm cashing in my Pussy Time Off (PTO). translation: i need some time to relax and bounce on dick. i'll come back whenever the thought of babysitting you messy bitches doesn't make me wanna ring a priest

FAQ for the guppy-headed assholes among us:

Q: ani are you gonna be at the pink slip?
lmfao no. do i need to explain it to you with crayons

Q: are you avoiding us?? do you hate us now??
hahaha noooooo baby i love you ❤️ that's so funny ❤️ why would you think that

Q: please come back?
beg harder

Q: but what do we do without you????
improvise, adapt, overcome. that's on darwinism, cunts

Q: will you miss us??
idk, are you worth missing??? look inward, babes

Q: when will you be back??
why are you so obsessed with me

Q: can we contact you? what if it's an emergency???
if you need me, don't. please direct all midlife crises, mental breakdowns, fashion disasters, and general whining to silco. (if you don't have a blackhole for a brain, you won't do that)

Q: what do you want us to do in the meantime?
accepting donations at my desk or door. start planning what you're getting me for christmas. don't fuck up. be prepared to prove you deserve to stay on the roster when i'm back in business

Q: who's playing boss while you're gone?
keep reading!!! you can do it!!!

Q: wait you really love us?
sup i've got a bridge in brooklyn to sell you

ANI'S SECOND-IN-COMMAND TEMPORARY BOSS APPLICATION

NAME:
QUALIFICATIONS: CHECK ALL THAT APPLY
☐ IQ ABOVE ROOM TEMP (RARE)
☐ CAN COUNT TO TEN (WITHOUT USING HANDS)
☐ KNOWS HOW TO SAY "NO REFUNDS" WITHOUT CRYING (THAT'S NOT YOU, KOBY)
☐ WILLING TO THROW A MEAN RIGHT HOOK
☐ HAS NOT FUCKED OVER 50% OF THE EMPLOYEES
☐ HAS NOT EVER CRIED ON THE CLOCK

SPECIAL SKILLS:
PLEASE LIST ANY SKILLS THAT HELP, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: TWERKING, TAX FRAUD, CREATIVE THREATS, CUSTOMER SERVICE VOICE, COCK & BALL TORTURE, PAPERWORK, RUNNING IN HEELS

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE:
☐ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
☐ CRYING TO MOMMY
☐ VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER
☐ MANIPULATION
☐ TEACHER VOICE
☐ "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE, BITCH?"
☐ ALL OF THE ABOVE (PREFERRED)

WHY SHOULD YOU BE IN CHARGE WHILE I'M AWAY?

Edited 2025-11-17 21:37 (UTC)

NAME: Yeko!
QUALIFICATIONS:
☑︎ IQ ABOVE ROOM TEMP (RARE)
☑︎ CAN COUNT TO TEN (WITHOUT USING HANDS)
☑︎ KNOWS HOW TO SAY "NO REFUNDS" WITHOUT CRYING (THAT'S NOT YOU, KOBY)
☑︎ WILLING TO THROW A MEAN RIGHT HOOK
☑︎ HAS NOT FUCKED OVER 50% OF THE EMPLOYEES
☑︎ HAS NOT EVER CRIED ON THE CLOCK

SPECIAL SKILLS: MANIPULATION, HAPPY TO STEP ON MEN (AND WOMEN, BUT ONLY IF THEY WANT ME TO), BOSSY, POWERFUL, STRONGER THAN MOST EVERYONE HERE, I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT PAPERWORK TO DO IT, I CAN OUTSMART THE DUMMIES AND DOGS, I CAN MAKE ILLUSIONS ;)

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE:
☐ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
☐ CRYING TO MOMMY
☐ VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER
☐ MANIPULATION
☐ TEACHER VOICE
☐ "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE, BITCH?"
☑︎ ALL OF THE ABOVE (PREFERRED) - NOTE: I don't cry to mommy.

WHY SHOULD YOU BE IN CHARGE WHILE I'M AWAY?: Ani, you saw how I worked those humans during werewolf. Imagine what I can do now that my powers are back ♥

🎉 CONGRATS ON NOT BEING A FUCK-UP 🎉
you've advanced to round two of ani's chosen one competition

QUESTION 1. YOU CATCH EMPLOYEES FUCKING ON THE CLOCK (WORKPLACE RISK). HOW DO YOU PROCEED?
a) public shaming (sextape "leak" with commentary on how long they lasted)
b) dish out one-week of community service cum clean-up
c) castrate any man involved on sight
d) close the door & pour bleach into your eyes
e) threesome

QUESTION 2. KOBY SNUCK HIS WAY PAST THE BABY GATE. WHAT'S THE RIGHT MOVE?
a) play him baby sensory videos (blue planet) till he knocks out
b) multiple squirts w/ spray bottle
c) stare menacingly until he bursts into tears
d) let him cook

QUESTION 3. SOMEONE STARTED SHIT. WHAT'S THE SNITCH PROTOCOL?
a) blame a man even if none were involved (they know what they did)
b) accuse saber immediately (safe bet tbh)
c) gather receipts & DM them to ani for review
d) choose bros (them) over hoes (ani) you fucking judas

QUESTION 4. AN UNSPECIFIED MAN IS BEING LOUD, ANNOYING, WRONG, OR ALL THREE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION. WHAT DO YOU DO?
a) deliver him to ani for capital punishment
b) invest in earplugs & find your inner peace
c) sit on his face until he shuts the fuck up (48-hours min)
d) escort him into the woods & let natural selection deal w/ him

QUESTION 5. WHO IS THE HOTTEST BITCH IN THE WORKPLACE?
HOW ABOUT TOP UGGO?
JUSTIFY YOUR ANSWERS. THERE IS A RIGHT AND WRONG ONE.

QUESTION 6. SOMEONE DISRESPECTS YOUR AUTHORITY. IN ONE HUNDRED WORDS OR LESS, TELL ME YOUR GO-TO RESPONSE.

QUESTION 7. DO YOU ACCEPT YOU'RE ANI'S THRONE WARMER, NOT NEXT IN LINE FOR THE CROWN?

QUESTION 8. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ANI FOR CHRISTMAS? (PROVIDE RETAIL VALUE)

QUESTION 9. IS ANI EVER WRONG?

QUESTION 10. IS NEPOTISM EVER OK?
a) yes if ani likes them
b) yes if their tongue game's elite
c) yes if they're a woman
d) everyone suffers equally in ani's gulag

1. trick question: A & B if it’s the first time, and C if it’s the second.

2. A. I don't see the point in making him cry. Hasn't he been through enough recently?

3. C.

4. D.

5. I need more information. Are we basing this off of looks alone?

6. Disrespect me? I don’t think so. If they want to make this mistake, I’ll put them in a corner and create an illusion of limbo. They won’t be able to leave until I remove my psychic barrier. What do they see there, you ask? Depends on my mood. I’d hate for their worst, most embarrassing memory to be played over and over again. Haha, I’m joking. I’d love for them to experience it. Did I mention I can project the memory for everyone at work to see? You should have a projector room, Ani.

7. Yes, I don’t want to manage this place forever. As I see it, humans deserve some reprieve after that messy situation at the commune.

8. I can’t put retail value on the gift I would give her, it’s a priceless one. She can have details if she chooses to move forward with letting me replace her for the time being.

9. Yes, see question 10. Everyone suffers equally, so! She can be wrong.

10. D.

🚨 bzzzzzt
you were about to take the dub till #9 (you're still on the shortlist tho)
the correct answer is: "ani is never wrong and if she is, i'd reshape reality to make sure she's right"
& #8 should say "no one can replace ani but i'm the next best thing"
#10 is correct tho. i do suffer (from success & everyone else's stupidity) in this place

reshaping reality is a perk that comes from hiring me 😉
let me know when someone inevitably fails the test

[@ koby is typing...]

[@ koby has stopped typing.]

( yeah, that's what she thought. auto-dq from the jump. )

omg BUSTED & caught red-handed at the scene of the crime
you're not even supposed to be back on the grind unless it's on dick dude

ATTENTION @ EVERYONE
if koby is spotted
— trying to work
— thinking about work
— jacking off on an excel sheet
— drooling over a stapler
— doing ANYTHING that implicates the pink slip & hex club in child labor

DO
— CORNER HIM
— SAY "WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR MOUTH?"
— GRAB HIM BY THE COLLAR
— DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO HIS OWNER (ani mikheeva) ASAP

DO NOT
— HIRE HIM AS YOUR TASKRABBIT
— PLAY FETCH WITH HIM
— GET FLEECED INTO LETTING HIM LIFT A FINGER
— FALL FOR HIS BULLSHIT ("JUST ONE MORE THING & THEN I'LL TAKE FIVE, I PROMISE" OR "I WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IF I COULD HELP")

THIS IS AGAINST COMPANY POLICY & VIOLATES OSHA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
BREAK THIS RULE & YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY TERMINATED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
(fired or firing squad. ani's choice)

he's on forced family leave effective right fucking now
(stress is bad for my baby & harshes my vibe)
xoxo

Edited 2025-11-18 02:46 (UTC)

yeah ok i'm dumb as fuck (as you know, boss) so no way am i applying for managerial work, but i volunteer to help keep Koby away. i'll swat him with a broom and tattle on him to his besties if i see him.

(sorry not sorry, kobes)

iggy
believe in urself
80% of your coworkers would starve brain-eating bacteria

thx precious
snitch loud and proud

💕 you're too nice! now go relax!

[well.]

I love you too, Ani. Have a fun time off.

ew
don't do that shit
feelings clog my pores

that's my line btw
go get your chakras realigned and your back broken babe

Edited (omg i hit enter SO early by accident. cries) 2025-11-18 04:22 (UTC)

[HAH get cared about.]

Ani, your pores are perfect, don't make ridiculous things up. I won't say it again for at least six business weeks, don't worry. Not sure what chakras are, but I'll take the rest under consideration. Hope you have fun uh Doing the same? 👀👀👀

idk it's some crackpot GOOP bullshit waspy bitches love to waste money on

( jesus. you drag some dude to a happy family reenactment one fucking time, and suddenly the entire goddamn neighborhood is salivating for gossip like someone's russian auntie, on the hunt for a single crumb of confirmation you aren't going to shrivel up and die alone. )

🛑🛑🛑✋✋✋
the fuck you looking at, sherlock hoes?

Edited 2025-11-19 05:50 (UTC)

I know some of those words.

[which, let's be real, is an improvement from recognizing none at all.

of course koby is insatiable about gossip and information -- almost as much as he is about proper grout maintenance -- but he knows ani. even alluding that she's going to spend time with someone is a big step.

so:] Nothing. 😊 I hope you have a nice time away, that's all. Stay hydrated 💦 [not what that emoji means, kobert.]

( koby, that's not what that emoji means. )

yeah babe good dick turning me into a super soaker is kinda the assignment thx
don't worry king i'll take water fountain breaks
stock up on gatorade
etc

(no subject)

kobes - 2025-11-23 02:20 (UTC) - Expand

[ Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah no.

She can smell the midday margaritas from here. ]

get better soon!

ummm there is no "getting better"
i'm already the premium model for fine shit
but i'll pass your well-wishes onto the needy & the mediocre
tis the season for charity work ❤️

well then
may you bounce on the thickest dick in the manor and may your chakras get properly aligned. reach nirvana, have an out of body experience. i'm not even being facetious here

[ Tara has a feeling that Ani won't take a sincere...anything, really. And Tara is not about to insult her, not when she's basically in Ani's domain, and with Silco surely overlooking everything.

Also, she's not that big of a bitch. ]

or you know, pass it on to someone in need of a good fuck, since 'tis the season of giving or whatever

also we both know my sister is the best choice

Edited 2025-11-18 05:00 (UTC)

NAME: sam
QUALIFICATIONS: CHECK ALL THAT APPLY
✔️ IQ ABOVE ROOM TEMP (RARE) (i graduated anyway)
✔️ CAN COUNT TO TEN (WITHOUT USING HANDS) (or toes)
✔️ KNOWS HOW TO SAY "NO REFUNDS" WITHOUT CRYING (THAT'S NOT YOU, KOBY) (or blinking)
✔️ WILLING TO THROW A MEAN RIGHT HOOK (always)
✔️ HAS NOT FUCKED OVER 50% OF THE EMPLOYEES (not that i know of)
✔️ HAS NOT EVER CRIED ON THE CLOCK (not yet)

SPECIAL SKILLS:
- dealing with shitheads who called me a murderer and a bitch at least once a week
- retail (there they’d just call me a bitch)
- running in boots (sometimes with heels)
- taser-ball torture
- kill strikes, shots, and stabs
- surviving (so far)
- cooking

CONFLICT RESOLUTION STYLE:
✔️ PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE
☐ CRYING TO MOMMY
✔️ VIOLENCE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER
☐ MANIPULATION
✔️ TEACHER VOICE
✔️ "DO YOU WANT TO GO OUTSIDE AND SAY IT TO MY FACE, BITCH?"
☐ ALL OF THE ABOVE (PREFERRED)

WHY SHOULD YOU BE IN CHARGE WHILE I'M AWAY?
i shouldn’t, if you find someone better for the job.

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