powerhungry | SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

Hello, all.

Please use this chat to notify other staff of upcoming absences (planned or unscheduled) and other work-related events or emergencies as they come up.

Thank you.

🫡 yes boss should i mention now that i’ve never had a job do we have punch cards?

[ "boss" 😌 ]

No punch cards necessary. The assigned shifts are more to ensure the club is never empty during operating hours than to keep strict track of your comings and goings.

You wouldn't count "Slayer" as a job?

( but punching cards seems fun 😭 )

i didn’t get paid. i mean, don’t get me wrong, my work ethic was ( sometimes questionable ) above and beyond. lightyears beyond. moon landing beyond.

I hope you'll pardon my saying it sounds like a rather thankless job. Your commitment is admirable.

( a compliment from an older man. buffy will surely be normal about that. )

well, someone's gotta do it. or the mayor will turn into a snake and eat the whole world or something. anyway hex club. you think it'll be a breeze by comparison?

( buffy isn't sure. she's friendly, of course, but she can border on — under socialized, at times. not that she would admit that to her boss, whom she claimed the opposite to. )

[ The cited example, shockingly, does not give Silco so much pause. ]

I certainly hope so, though this place has a way of making hopes rather irrelevant.

At the very least, I haven’t yet felt any serpentine compulsion.

that’s ok buffy!!
i never had a job before nami hired me unless u count blowing stuff up for silco 💥
and now im a chef 😏

i think u will be great!!
& thanks 4 the stuffed animal 🐣
he looks like u

i thought you only blew up zombies? just don’t get the chefing and the blowing up and the boarding confused how do i look like a duck!!!!

it’s a lot of jobs but i have a lot of energy ⚡️⚡️⚡️

because ur cute like a duck duh !!!

lots of coffee? that’s the secret stuff to peppiness

( oh. 🫣 weep. )

okay i accept duckiness anyway don’t mention it. that’s from spike. i stole it from him because i’m mean.

did spike say that??
ignore him he’s dumb 🙄
ur cute and nice i can tell

remember that ur continued employment 💸 is subject to board 🧐 approval 🙅‍♀️
and we 👩🏻‍🏫 r always watching 👁️

our 1st employee of the month is koby 😲 congratulations koby 🎉 u did very good 👍 helping put up the welcome sign ✌️ and making the rota 🗒️ twice 2️⃣ after the board spilled blue drink 🍹 on the first rota 😗

Edited 2025-05-16 16:27 (UTC)

I would like to formally thank everyone I have ever met for this opportunity and privilege and I will not squander my employee of the month status. Also please whoever is vandalizing the welcome sign, it is not spelled "welcum". Please remember that poor grammar makes us look unprofessional.

congrats koby 🙌 i didn’t do it, my jokes are way better than that

Thank you, Buffy. I know you'd never do anything like that, you're a very upstanding citizen and you don't think its funny when I cry.

congrats, koby. keep up the good work

( Also, Riley's not a vandal! )

Oh. Thank you? Thank you. I didn't do much. Just wrote on things. And mopped the floor when nobody was looking. And retiled the bathroom. And fixed the squeaky stool at the bar.

You retiled the bathroom? Let us know if you need any other help before the grand opening party, okay?

Partially. It didn't match. Oh, thank you, that's very nice of you.

( koby………….. )

of course not???

[aw, she says it like it goes without saying 😭]

That's what I mean, you're very nice.

what'd he win

[ FUCK ]

ahahahahha
a prize
obviously

[sus]

is there gonna be a photo on the wall somewhere

[ DEEP SIGH ]

In the back hallway, next to the closet.

prestigious, i like that

[nonetheless, he wants to win next month!!!]

[ 🩵! ]

There will??? Really??? Thank you so much!!!

duh!!!!!!!
& that’s not even the prize 🎁

well duh, a framed photo of yourself alone would be pretty lame

especially in a closet

[*next to a closet, same thing]

dw i’ll work on moving 🏃🏻‍♀️ the pics 🌠
the owner is sweet on me 🤫
i mean
the board 😇

will prizes be distributed monthly?

course they will stud
the board is generous and creative 🤩

Jinx, is the board just you?

Yes.

Great to have her on board, then.

( but this feels v e r y subjective. )

no🫸
there r several anonymous board members 👨🏻
pls respect their privacy 🙏

[ one of them might be nami, based on the decision made this month. who can say 😗 ]

is there a process to joining the board? should one want to?

hard work and experience may lead the board 2 select u 4 training 🫡

[ she is nineteen. ]

fortunately the board is already a fan of ur work 😌
keep it up soldier!!!

will do, thanks. 🫡

[ an emoji back 🥰🥰🥰 ]

[

]

[ Typed and deleted: "Any prizes or similar bonuses will be decided upon and distributed strictly in accordance with satisfactory employee performance." ]

to be revealed 😱
at the opening night party 🥳
that ur all invited to
tomorrow ✨

[successfully less sus]

alright, fuck yea 😎🌟🌟

[ t-minus ten to think of a prize that doesn’t explode help ]

we look forward to reviewing ur performance 🧑‍💼👩🏻‍💼👨‍💼

what earns bonus credit
or builds favoritism

[ checks notes— ]

👨‍💼 professionalism
🏋️ work ethic
⭐️ FLAIR
💡 innovation
💥 that special something

what's your
i mean the board's
favorite snack

[ !!!! ]

twizzlers SOURZ

the board can expect a fresh pack every week

the board thanks u for ur service 🫡

[ judging ur overuse of emojis ]

[ at least i don’t believe in god lmao ]

Just for my own clarification, when you say the "board", is that you? Or are there others who are a part of the group?

[ is this so he knows who to suck up to? obviously, yes. ]

good question michael

u may direct all board questions 2 me but trust that we r many 🫡

Understood. All the better to keep an eye on wayward employees, is it?

And do pardon the confusion of my "username", I believe it is called? It felt improper to use my first name, so the surname it was. I am Sebastian Michaelis. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Director.

[ 🤩 DIRECTOR 🤩 ]

indeed!!!!!

[ copying his fancy vibe. why not? ]

the pleasure is all OURS seb
very professional behaviour
ten points

Thank you very much. I do my utmost to be professional in all things, so I hope the board will find my performance satisfactory.

I will hold the points dearly, of course.

[ is he joking... no. he will absolutely keep a detailed record of how many points he earns, even if it's totally arbitrary. stupid. ]

what kind of point system is this?

a scientific one 👩‍🔬
pls refer 2 the rubric provided ☝️

[ew effort]

the work ethic i'm used to is "don't kill your coworkers"

does that apply here?

depends on the coworker

Edited 2025-05-16 20:46 (UTC)

so if someone eats my food or takes my things and they end up dead that's cool? great

nuh uh 👎
no killing without the boss man’s permission

[kissing ass in his own special way:]

boss man and i might have a problem there i don't give people the time for permission.

unless someone distracts me

You’re an employee. You give me the time for permission by definition. And if you intend to spend your time on distractions rather than the role for which you’ve been hired, tell me now, and you can quit.

[🙄🙄🙄]

✔️Message read.

Saber. Say that you understand.

i fucking understand

Very good. I'll expect you at the club tonight before open.

That will be all.

[

]

[

]

the board will remember this

Edited 2025-05-16 21:12 (UTC)

i'll make sure they do

[oh its you 😒]

[im everywhere tiny🤪]

Exactly how will people be choosing which host they want? Will there be a binder put together?

Something like that. The information you provided in your job applications will be made available for guests to peruse, but, perhaps more importantly, you will be on the bar floor for your shifts, during which, if you are not occupied, you will be expected to encourage similarly unentangled guests to bid for your time.

so, basically, we approach the unoccupied, maybe with a drink or a good story

Exactly. You're quick to catch on.

just let me know which shifts I approach and which I observe

thanks, Silco.

CAN there be a binder?

[🥺🥺🥺🥺]

It'd certainly make things easier.

[ ... ]

I'd hate to impose.

It's no imposition at all. I'm happy to help.

[understatement; he's practically vibrating with excitement mid-grout.]

I do hope it is not rude to intrude upon the conversation (I am admittedly still picking up the etiquette!), but if such a directory is not meant as a joke, I would be happy to offer my assistance as well.

I have some experience writing advertising copy and the like, besides my personal interest in learning who my new coworkers are.

[new person 👀👀👀👀👀👀]

Not at all; the nature of the open forum of a group chat is one that encourages multiple threads of conversation. I would welcome your expertise, Mr. Michaelis.

Wonderful. I am glad that my impression was correct. Waiting a bit to see how it was all done at least stops me from embarrassing myself with my poor knowledge too much...

Regardless, it would be my pleasure. It is a curious exercise, but it seems like it would be a fun one, to be honest.

Please, don't be embarrassed. The technology here takes a good bit to get used to. I'm sure you're doing your absolute best. ദ്ദി(｡•̀ ,<)~✩‧₊ I have a little bit of experience keeping notes on things, since I've been here. Our abilities have been altered here, before, and knowledge is power. But this does seem like it'll be much more fun.

Then I fear I have yet another question to follow! The little symbols in your message are intentional, I assume? What are they?

That aside, I do agree completely with your sentiment on knowledge, and that is similarly good to know... I will have to start taking notes of my own, in that case.

Oh, they're little faces! Jinx likes the yellow ones better, but I think these are cuter. ٩(^ᗜ^ )و I highly recommend keeping an account, yes -- just in case. Things happen here pretty quickly.

Ah! I see the face much better in this example... And looking back, I believe I see the other. How exceptionally charming and creative.

I shall do so, with your recommendation. I would be happy to compare notes on occasion, even, for perhaps one person's insight will supplement another's.

Well, I can't take credit for inventing them, but thank you. I like them very much. Oh, yes please. I used to compare notes with a Friend. A journalist. He's no longer here, though.

The ones that you have shared are a bit more complex, so I will have to give them some thought... But at least for now, I enjoy seeing them. :)

[ He can at least figure out the most basic with what's presented before him! ]

It is a shame to hear that about your friend, though. You have my condolences. Do people leave as suddenly as they seem to appear?

I do not know if I would be able to fill the shoes of someone in the profession of such things, but I shall endeavor to do so.

[ this, of course, is falsely humble. he's a cheater and will be excellent at it. ]

It's all a matter of taste. Jinx uses them effortlessly, but she's Jinx. It's unfortunately very common, yes. We don't have much control over people coming or going, I'm afraid. I'd welcome your assistance regardless, Mr. Michaelis.

crystal clear buddy

i'm sure this will work out exactly how you want

Any more lip and you can expect your employment to be terminated.

aw come on you know i'm foolin! i'm doing you a favor here helping out and shit.

nobody else here is willing to do what i am. you ever been arm deep in someone and wanna do it again?

I don’t consider wasting my time to be a favor.

And plenty of people here are willing to do what you’re offering. A capacity for violence doesn’t make you special.

[

]

it does when my power can make sure someone else doesn't die
i use it for myself most of the time but i make exceptions

Explain.

[well well well]

oh i can touch someone and take their life force
makes their body gross though. all rot. you ever smell rotting flesh? you look like you have.

localizing it is easy but not as fun. i get a couple minutes of holding if i wanna transfer it to someone else.

bet i could fix your eye

it doesn’t need to be fixed

you like him like that huh? no judgement here

was just making a simple offer

sure do

[ full stop. no changes required. ]

u really think ur special huh

i don't think i know it

[

]

[ Since Jinx has already taken care of part of it: ]

Death is impermanent, here. Why bother with the stopgap?

hah that's what i keep saying
gives me an extra boost. nobody needs to be dying for me to use it i just use it
it's fun

haven't been able to much here though cause people get sensitive about losing limbs and lives. boring.

And this is a selling point for me why, exactly?

for a man like you? i'm sure it's a selling point but you just don't wanna say for what yet

[ It’s almost funny, putting the onus of figuring out what makes him special on Silco after touting himself as a catch. But there are, in Silco’s gaze, two parts to the answer: the first, that Saber presumes Silco to be a man of violent means; the second, that, tangent to what Jinx has suggested, he wants to be special.

The first doesn’t matter much to him. The second, he can use. So, for now: ]

How astute.

[saber trusts compliments as much as he trusts people: which is not at all. that doesn't mean that he refuses them - he takes them at face value and eats them up and shuts up in the meantime, believing he's ~~won~~ succeeded.]

:)

I suppose you always did strike me as the type to get fired on your first day of work.

what can i say? people have a hard time handling me

you don't though

[ boy r u really getting horny in the employee group chat ]

Then I'm well-equipped to help Silco keep you on a leash.

[he gets horny on the network what do you expect]

sure thing sweetheart

Don't call me that at work if you like the current shape of your nose.

[how will he survive]

bossy i like it
Miss Shadowheart then

That will do.

you're so popular

stop following me around

stop going where i'm going??

✓Message read.

emergency advice 4 the baby rookies:
hydration = stamina
"i don’t usually do this" more than twice = about to cry or propose
"i'm different" from a dude 🚨🚨🚨 he is, he's WORSE
wants to meet u off-clock = wants ur soft spots for free, don't fall for that shit. set boundaries for urself and keep em

if u got a bad vibe, tell em silco needs u in the back
works better if he's in the same room

also who the fuck took my pink lighter shaped like a gun. i'm not mad. i'm worse

also to add to this if u come to the bar when i'm there and ask for a Motor Oil i can make an excuse to get u out of a situation immediately. because nobody would ever actually want to drink a motor oil i assume

and if u ask for an Alastor i will come beat the ass of whoever ur with

Thank you both.

I’d request both our other bartenders to adopt the Motor Oil as a code for a date going badly; the Alastor can remain a Eula exclusive unless you also feel inclined to take on a few of the bouncers’ duties.

And I expect Ani’s lighter to be returned to her within the next business day.

( professionalism is resisting the urge to say 'thanks daddy' — )

thank u, bossman 😘
love when u get all scary on my lighter's behalf
now hurry up and get that shit back. cuban cigars don't light themselves

ok violent and considerate??? objectively the hottest shit i've read all day

It's behind the bar counter. The lighter, I mean.

What does it mean when the owner wants the guy out back?

Edited 2025-05-18 07:37 (UTC)

means it's time for his complimentary personality adjustment
u walk him like he’s late on rent and lucky he got a warning
and if silco's already rollin up his sleeves? u pretend u ain't see nothin

(thx for finding my lighter u angel. ur officially my favorite bouncer this week 🫶)

So we rough him up for being disrespectful.

[ he's not judging. just trying to figure out what the line is, where it's drawn. ]

And thank you. I think. I haven't done a lot of bouncing yet.

It's Ani, right? Ms Ani?

or the kinda talking to that makes him rethink his whole damn life
scare him up just enough so he knows not to fuck around again but leave the heavy shit to silco

don't trip about not bouncing much yet
u want some tips from the playbook: the hosts gotta shine, and you're their damn shield
if shit's about to pop, get between em and the mess
always stay alert, always know where ur gonna step if shit goes sideways, and don't get pulled into bullshit fights

and yeah, it's ani
but i like the sound of miss ani

Miss Ani it is. Happy to keep the ladies happy. [ oh, wait— ] Is that okay to say? I'm told it can come off condescending.

[ natasha would just roll with the punches and hit back harder, but natasha isn't like most people. most of the women he's met aren't, and steve's starting to think it may be skewing his perspective just a bit. ]

How often do guys
Actually, that's a stupid question. I'm not going to finish that one.

What's the rule on guests waving sharp objects?

nah, i don't mind "ladies" if ur mouth knows how to say it right
u say it sweet and not stupid and we're good
i like being a lady. means i hit prettier 💋

how often do guys do stupid shit?? that what u were gonna ask??
all the time. that's why we got code words and sharp heels

ur rule? one warning
second time they're losing the knife or a kneecap. tell em to pick one

Edited 2025-05-18 09:06 (UTC)

Pretty girls always hit hard, in my experience. And yeah, I was going to ask that. Then I remembered doing stupid shit is how I ended up in the army, and I had to backtrack a bit.

[ give him a sec. ]

Just the kneecap?

pretty girls gotta hit hard
fist gets u taken more seriously than a cute face
but army, huh? so u got some discipline or just a veteran of dumb shit?

just the kneecap? babe, that's the polite ask before we break out the big toys
sometimes a broken nose or a black eye come free with it
depends how stupid the shit is, steve

Big stupid gets the big hits, got it.

[ which means he should hold back just a bit less. then again, half the guests of the manor aren't baseline human. note to self: ask silco if there's a handbook for this.

easier to figure which rules to break if there's a list of them to read through. ]

And both. A lot of discipline and a lot of dumb shit to my record. You do enough of the latter, the army sometimes gives you a shiny medal.

These days I'm just trying to do good with the stupid.

got it in one baby
love a man who don't need shit spelled out twice. saves me a headache and my time

sounds like u got a medal and a punch card for trouble, huh? scars and stripes — real overachiever shit
that's the right kinda attitude to keep our girls and guys safe from the dumbest of the dumb

u got loyal dog energy and a jaw built to take a punch. ur gonna do just fine
but u ever need help adjusting to the chaos, u know who to come to
this place runs on instinct and experience and i got more than enough to loan out

[ Pointedly answering this text and not that one: ]

Hard to believe you've never seen a little roughhousing in a bar, rogers

Never said I didn't, Seresin. Just never been asked to exit out back before.

[ before the serum, he's getting dragged out front. after the serum— well, not a lot of people willing to pick a fight with captain america in a bar. ]

You ever get thrown out?

Edited (forgot this man would type with proper caps ugh) 2025-05-18 16:15 (UTC)

[ Ironically, throwing a captain out of a bar is a very fresh memory for Jake. Luckily, it'll be a snowball's chance in hell before there's a need to repeat that. ]

Just the once
Navy bar in Pensacola
Made five hundred bucks and was told never to come back to the Blacktop.

Glory days of youth
Which for you would've been, what
Just after Franklin discovered electricity?

You were hustling? Flying wasn't doing it enough for you?

[ like steve has room to talk, seeing as he did the same thing back in the day, betting with other COs who didn't know better about the pretty boy from brooklyn. cigarettes, liberated booze, firearms and bullets — it helped with morale, and it helped keep them rationed the further into cold territory they marched. ]

Closer to Oppenheimer than Old Ben. You're pretty bad at guessing.

( ignoring her is as feasible as ignoring a glitter spill — a factual, sparkly, in-your-face impossibility that keeps popping back up. case in point: )

don't go pickin on my puppy, he's learning tricks real fast

just in case this isn't common knowledge: if anything breaks on the bar counter, throw out ALL the ice and stop serving until everything's cleaned. i don't care if it's on the service side.

if i have to perform emergency surgery on a customer for accidentally swallowing glass, i'm making whoever's responsible eat it too.

What if the customer deserves to swallow glass?

then just stab them in the throat. it'll be quicker.

[ is he joking, who knows ]

Arguably worse for the leather, though.

then aim for the sink.

or send them my way.

[ she likes this one. ]

I'll keep that in mind. 🖤

that said, ideally, we don't stab in the club.

like you said, it's rough on the leather, and no one likes the antiseptic smell.

Oh, I have some tricks up my sleeve that don't make a mess.

might be a good idea to let the bouncers know some of them, just so the ones on shift don't all heroically jump in.

are they all supposed to be blond?

Or send them to our sister establishment.

[ He knows what the price of entry is, and swallowing glass will just about do it. ]

like it better when they're tasting my floor but sure
send em over honey
i can handle the real freaks

I do wear my sharper heels there.

[ ah yes, the other one. ]

they keep some rooms intentionally unhygienic. scent stimulation, i'd guess.

I had a lot of time on my hands today, so I unpacked some product. I followed how the bar and the back were already set up. In the meantime, feel free to let me know if anyone needs any help with anything.

Also, any of the other bouncers want to get a workout group together? Maybe a morning routine. I'm trying to get a consistent regimen going again. No problem bringing anyone else in.

It will be open to the dancers, too. And, really anyone who might want to be involved. I've run drills before. Let me know.

Oh. I'm Riley. Bouncer and Host. Nice to meet everyone on here.

Aren't you proactive?

I'm often at the gym in the mornings anyway, though I may stick to watching your drills rather than partake.

Fine with me, as long as you're not gawking.

I like to stay ahead of things.

I'll just be sizing up whose arms I can leap into in the event of a fire.

There are a couple of us that are good for that.

I've noticed.

I'm sure any one of us will be able to help you out if you need it.

easy
mine 💖

I do trust a girl who can run in heels to handle a fire better than most men.

beauty and brains babe
leave the pretty boys to their peacockin

workout group sounds cute
just gimme a punching bag or someone i'm allowed to smack around a lil
if u want me to wake up that early there's gotta be caffeine or a dumb boy to pin under me

We could get sparring sessions on the books, too. Preferably not during our workout group. Maybe once a week in the afternoon. Or, we can forgo a workout once a week for sparring and self defense.

Can't promise the level of intelligence of the person you'll pin down.

yeah i like that, let's get that on the books
good for me to train u all up myself, keep u sharp
i'm not lettin anyone work the floors without knowin how to throw a bastard into the wall

How about Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday workout groups. Wednesday sparring/defensive training.
You have training experience?
Is there a gym here good for that?

if by training u mean breakin up fights in six-inch heels while watchin my ass and my cash then yeah i'm real qualified
worked a pole, worked a floor, worked grown men who thought "no" was a request. u learn fast how to swing without spillin ur drink

gym's got mats
that work for u?

Training comes in all forms.
Mats work.

👍
see u then boy wonder

you can pin me down any day you want

down boy 🖤
real sweet of u
but u might wanna stretch first, i play rough

[heart emoji means she loves him]

i can play rough too if that's what you want

i like my punching bags to lay there and take what i give em
start gettin too rough and silco's gonna have your ass gift-wrapped in a ditch

aw now how are you gonna learn if nobody fights back?
shit you think i'd do that to you? no way you got an image to keep up

baby i know how to fight back
heels first, straight up someone's ass
don't get it twisted

do i think u would try? yeah
u seem like the type to go full psycho or some shit

sure
i'll still help you get all that out of our system

only if you let me ♥

mmmmm i'll think about it
gotta see who else is on my waitlist
i'm a busy bitch with a line of boys who wanna get knocked around
ones who know "training" don’t mean tryin to rough me up, romeo
i don’t do psycho unless i'm the one bringing it, sweetheart

Edited 2025-05-19 05:32 (UTC)

so long as i'm on your mind

then bring it i can take it. i'll eat it up better than anybody else

lol better than anybody else, huh?
talk like that and ur gonna end up on someone's shit list

ur saying this shit like daddy just didn't spank u in front of the whole crew

Edited 2025-05-20 00:24 (UTC)

only one way to find out.
i'm already on plenty of those you get used to it.

trying to be cute? it's working

don't gotta try
i am fucking cute
u wanna tell me somethin else that's obvious

i dunno
do you wanna show me how hard you can hit

( hm.................. )

if ur dick gets hard i'm ripping it off and gagging u with it

i bet you will

give me a call whenever you want :)

✔️ READ.

( a few minutes later: )

@ shadowheart come get your dog
he's tryna hump my leg

Spray him with the tonic water tap. That keeps him quiet for a few minutes

if he starts moanin i'm blaming you
do i need a priest or a vet to put him down

[ignoring everything:]

you two like seeing me all wet don't ya

LOL
jesus christ

@ silco
requesting permission to issue a write-up and staple it to his ass
xoxo

Permission granted, with the caveat that one of the other bouncers does the stapling.

any of the bouncers that so much as touch a stapler near me i'll gut you

professionally

wouldnt be the first time

i know where you sleep

i know where YOU sleep

do you think you sound threatening???

do you think i feel threatened?

don't start what you can't finish

[if neon didn't just take his phone away and put it on a very tall shelf, he'd be burning you so bad rn buddy]

That gonna be the working relationship here on out?

depends

you gonna try and staple something to my ass and expect me to do nothing about it?

Staples don't go very deep. We've got a medical guy, don't we?

How about frontside instead?

[ this is way too early into their hiring to be this messy, let's attempt to keep the peace? maybe? ]

i know exactly what staples do i've gotten creative with them

no stapling and i won't do anything. any stapling and i will. problem?

Then what's with the attitude? You could just apologize to Miss Ani instead of doing all this.

what attitude i'm having a normal reaction to someone stapling my ass

[he's literally not but ok]

Towards management, not your ~~punk~~ ass. There's a time and place for it, and it's not now.

You applied for this. That means you have to work with other people.

huh.

i got used to people working with me not the other way around.

Then get used to the change, or walk yourself out the door and take a minute. If you're gonna be like with everyone, it's gonna make teamwork really unpleasant.

[ he's trying not to be all captain america about this, but it's really damn hard. ]

i come in and get the job done who said you had to get along with me?

me ❤️

you know i'd do anything for you

[

]

That's enough. Out of all of you.

( helpfully: )

🫶

Mr Silco just did. And that warning you just got made it everyone's business.

Still wanna play dumb?

you still wanna play kiss ass?

You wanna keep being a dumbass?

[

]
✔️Message read.

Edited 2025-05-21 02:51 (UTC)

You've already had your say. What we're discussing is the consequence, not the cause.

Until you can learn how to play nice or prove yourself useful, you're in no position to set terms with the others.

[ And this is, in typical reprimands, where, "Apologize to Ani (and all the other women in the chat), and we'll forget about the stapler," would fall, but in this case ... it doesn't! ]

✔️Message read.

noted thank u big bossman

..... fine

i can fight and i fight dirty. anyone who can take me down in less than two minutes gets a prize.

i can teach the ladies how to fight too. i used to train my coworkers if you wanna call them that.

( ... this guy. he doesn't love his attitude or his language, but he'd like to see what he's made of. and he's a bouncer, so he's under the umbrella. )

We're not injuring one another

For the record, this is for girls and guys. Anyone who wants to be a part of it.

the fuck you mean we aren't injuring? that's how you learn. ride a bike, fall, get up again.

you need help being less useless? i'll train you too.

I mean, we're not injuring one another. That's not what sparring and defense training is about. Especially if we're supposed to work that night. We're a team.

Saber, right?

learning to work with an injury makes you better at dealing with worse shit later. you weren't here in february you don't know what we put up with. no powers no nothing just instincts.

that's me

And I have no powers. Defense is more than instincts. Instincts help, but they aren't everything.

Good to finally meet you through this thing. You sound like you've had your own experiences.

tell that to the zombies we had to deal with and we'll talk. know what? tell it to my face when you get in the ring with me.

[why is he so nice. saber hates this.]

almost a hundred years of it.

Well, I can't beat a 100 years. And I have a good idea of what you've been through. And I get it. I've done brutal. I've been in the thick of it. But, you don't have to take all of that in with you here.

Zombies aren't also your teammates.

Edited 2025-05-19 04:23 (UTC)

i like taking it here
it's my fucking specialty

no shit

Just don't take it every morning, with us.

chill out nobody's dying

or getting hurt on purpose

✓Message read.

I suspect some of us could teach you a thing or two about how to fight.

you see me at the gym more than anybody here and you haven't shown me a damn thing except

[REDACTED. this is a work chat and he doesn't want silco on his ass about it.]

well you know. so show me what you got i'm ready for ya

[ +.5 approval for not naming her pussy in the work slack but -5 approval for letting everyone read between the lines anyway ]

You just haven't seen me work a mace yet.

bring it with you if you can find one ♥

[

]

[

]

Edited 2025-05-19 04:49 (UTC)

what prize? i'm not sure you're worth the sweat.

[awooga eyes]

me and you haven't met properly yet
i'm saber

i'll tell you the prize if you win but i'll give you somethin on the side for trying too

buffy summers at your service.

( not wanting to rise to the bait vs inability to turn down a challenge .............. )

how about you keep your consolation prize and double the pot instead?

[at his service. at his service...]

feeling confident?

consider the pot doubled. any time you wanna go i'll come for ya and you can give me your best shot
especially if you can't sleep

bill of sale first then i'm there

jesus fuck

why

( whats something cool to say )

because if you shortchange me i'll change your name to saber toothless

that was cheesy as fuck you're lucky you're so cute
fine consider it done

don't be mad when you're the one that ends up on the floor ;)

i won't. 😌

( this motherfucker. )

[

]

I'd get a bill of sale, first. You can hardly double nothing.

( peanut gallery: )

lmao
i'll make sure saber writes buffy a damn IOU for the ass-whoopin

yay 🥰

oh that's the good idea. i'm on it.

This close to telling you to kick this guy's ass.

you want a front row seat? i want my present.

He has another thing coming to him if he thinks he's just going to casually break someone's arm in training

Also, I can count on you for morning workouts?

[did he throw his phone over this? no one will ever know.]

what the hell did i ever do to you?

[literally so much within the span of 24 hours.]

For the record, I we should establish ground rules. Injuring each other, hurting each other, deliberately, for training, shouldn't be acceptable.

But, we can talk through parameters together.

[fart noises]

if anyone wants a REAL fight i won't go easy
anyone can let loose with me but that doesn't mean i won't let loose with you either

gotta blow off steam? i'll be there for ya. for the special guy i can work defense instead. teach you how to keep packin a punch without gettin too tired.

I hope no one volunteers to be physically hurt.

The offer is appreciated, Riley.

That said, a note to all: if you do participate in sparring, please try not to injure each other too severely, or at the very least, please try to do so in ways that are not visible/will not affect your service.

no visible injuries got it 👍

the board recommends u find another sevika fast

[ preferably someone who isn’t brain damaged enough to fuck saber 🫩 ]

head bouncer?

[ In confirmation: ] Head bouncer.

Steve or Jake may prove worthy, yet, but we'll begin an independent search regardless.

i like steve

[ he’s been around for a while, and he’s not the desperate kind. that’s the thing about sevika — she keeps her head, even around someone like jinx.

(jinx misses her.) ]

dunno jake
but he seems ➡️👮‍♂️🐶
riley too

[ wild to think that’s what they might be after here. ]

maybe someone w powers

Edited 2025-05-19 05:42 (UTC)

[ (Silco misses her, too.) ]

They do both give off that impression.

[ The highly scientific vibe of ➡️👮‍♂️🐶, that is. ]

Powers would be preferable.
Too many of the guests here have abilities for a lack thereof to be my first choice.

saber’s got something
or he couldn’t have caught me at spikey’s wedding
so

[ she agrees, and she’d very much like to see someone take him down. ]

think riley’s normal
but it’s like his job to kill people like that or whatever

A pity the boy doesn't have even a modicum of sense.

We'll keep an eye on Riley.
I'd imagine he had aid by way of equipment, prior to coming here.
If he proves himself capable without, then perhaps.

[ A beat. Before, he'd have kept what he now knows about Sebastian to himself, but— he's making an effort to be more open with her, even if he frames it as such (specifically to avoid can you keep a secret and the resulting possibility of doubt): ]

We've a little secret in our midst.
Would you like to know?

[ !!!!! ]

yeah
tell me tell me

Sebastian. He's offered to take on dirty work in exchange for both information and our discretion.

I doubt he'd take the position as head bouncer given the latter stipulation, but he could be useful. A knife in the dark, should we need it.

sneaky
i like it

[ and definitely not something she’s good at. a job for the other grunts, in the lanes; jinx brings the boom. ]

lemme know if any of ur guys need anything

[ 🔪🔫💣💥 ]

Of course.
We'll regroup with the board in due course.

[ And, momentarily: ]

👍🏻

Glad to be of help.

So noted.

so you're the idiot who stacked the chlorine with the isopropyl?

Edited 2025-05-19 21:40 (UTC)

I unpacked boxes and filled shelves. I didn't stack anything.

But, if I put those two in close proximity and shouldn't have, I apologize.

If it's packed and stacked, I haven't gotten to it.

oh, it's not stacking, it's filling shelves.

you can't read?

What you send or what was on the box.

The boxes of chemicals were all stacked together. So, I unpacked them and put them on shelves, and organized them.

i appreciate that they're both clear liquids in similarly shaped bottles and you're being proactive.

next time, ask. assumptions mean we do twice the work.

Next time I will. And, next time I won't leave flammable product next to one another.

Thanks for the tip and welcome to the team.

[ respectfully asking silco about the criteria for bouncers/hosts cos... ??? ]

gracious of you. how's your eyesight?

( sir, he was trying to be helpful. he was bored. he gets he made a mistake. )

20/20

[ sir oh this is many levels of— ]

interesting. i'll add sticker labels for you.

can you lift?

I can lift.

You've made your point.

was i making a point?

[ he was. but this is also funny. ]

there are crates out back that need to be brought in. unless you're busy.

I'll get right on that

🔒

And for the record, I'd prefer you come to me directly if you have a question for me, especially if I'm on the premises.

I fix my mistakes without complaint. You don't need to humiliate the people you work for to get the job you want out of them.

Sir.

this matters to you. appearances. i'll keep that in mind, then.

[ alright. he can adjust. ]

and don't call me sir. we're likely the same age. you're military? JSOC or something?

It's a matter of respect. Not appearances.

I called you sir because you're a manager. But, I can call you, Lee. Whatever you'd prefer.

JSOC, recruited out of basic training into a paramilitary Black Ops division of the government. I rose in the ranks and served under our Chief. I led a team of soldiers and lived undercover on a college campus.

I can read, I have medical training. I overlooked your labels. And it won't happen again.

good for you. i'm 23 and if you're way older than that, that makes you my senior. i've done my enlistment. explaining honorifics will take a while, but i don't want to disrespect your age either.

and i'm not human. you still want my respect?

I earn respect, I don't want it. And, my point was you calling me an idiot in public is your choice, but it's not how I manage.

But, I'm not the manager.

So, no matter what, you'll have my respect. And while I deserve it. I'll earn it, like I said.

You being whatever you are doesn't change that. Long as you're not picking off the team one by one, we'll be square.

[ congratulations to riley, he's only the second person here to truly irritate eunhyuk to this degree. the arrogance of this guy. calling on respect, contradicting himself, then having the audacity to sit on his high horse about it.

eunhyuk is unimpressed. ]

no, you're not. and that's a very naive way of thinking.

[ this time, he is being insulting. ]

Funny, I didn't think so. But, I think we should leave this here.

Your boxes are moved.

[ if it's ever been possible to say this and be entirely mean about it, then eunhyuk is succeeding by miles: ]

thank you. and my apologies for hurting your feelings.

[LOL]

( fuck off )

Sign me up, huckleberry
I know how to work within rules of engagement.
Could coach, too. If anyone's looking for something 1 on 1

[ It's an implied ;). ]

( so charisma really does just jump out of a text message. that said, he was in the service with guys like you. you're very graham-coded. )

All the bouncers were enlisted, then. Good to have you on board.

🔒

Are you hitting on the team?

[ Was Graham also mind-blisteringly handsome? Because he'll take the compliment. ]

Is that right
I know the good ol' captain's story
What's yours?

🔒

Just being friendly to the neighborhood

[ Which isn't a no. Or a yes, technically. ]

( Like a model with a 100 watt smile, Serasen. )

Recruited out of basic training. I headed up a unit undercover. JSOC to Black Ops.

Not knocking it, just trying to get an idea of who everyone is. Though, I don't have to warn you about shitting where you eat.

Interesting pipeline, skipper.
How long?

[ If he casually says "100 years" like the Captain over yonder, Jake's going to need more shots. And pre-shift carbs. ]

Not a problem for me, mother hen.
There anyone else you know here?

Six years through the pipeline. I'm 24.

I know Buffy.
You?

📣 ATTENTION HEX CLUB EMPLOYEES 📣
seeking: one brave bouncer to volunteer for the prestigious honor of stapling saber's disciplinary write-up directly to his ass
this is part of our employee enrichment program 💋

🔪 SABER’S LIST OF CRIMES (LIVE UPDATE):
• tried to volunteer to "rough me up" during workout groups like we’re in a very different kind of club
• breathing way too confidently for someone without health insurance
• attempted leg-hump (target: me, unprovoked. attitude: confident.)
• asked if we "like seeing him wet" like he’s auditioning for jail
• public menace to tip trays, coat racks, and god
• generally exists like he has diplomatic immunity
• not even a little bit sorry
• violating the spirit of at least 4 HR rules
• making shadowheart consider voluntary mute status

🖇️ QUALIFICATIONS TO STAPLE SABER:
• own or can borrow a stapler (regular or industrial)
• firm hands, cruel heart, great aim
• must make it poetic or humiliating — both = extra credit

💌 apply to be club stapler today. pls be honest about your passions and skill set
perks include: light cardio, my exclusive seal of approval & the thrill of righteous vengeance

xoxo
– miss ani, unofficial head of public executions

Edited 2025-05-21 01:54 (UTC)

[ this is what a guy misses when he doesn't read back on the chat???

pinging @.hangman ]

Edited (jesus dw i never know what fkn wORKS W U) 2025-05-21 01:56 (UTC)

[he's a pacifist. he's a pacifist. he's a pacifist who likes punching people in the face.]

Is the cruel heart a requirement?

not required but it does speed up the hiring process
HR (me) loves a lil menace in the wrist
will substitute for 3 references who can confirm you've made a grown man cry

Oh, every single day. :)

[himself. it's himself.]

( hmmmmmmmmmmm. )

baby boy "myself" don't count as a reference

Edited 2025-05-21 02:38 (UTC)

Oh.

[caught in 4k]

In that case I think the bouncers should hold him down and you should get to do it, Ms. Ani. :)

koby u are enabling me
and worse: i like it
if jake cared half as much as u do i'd have saber pinned and laminated already

Edited 2025-05-21 03:09 (UTC)

I think you've earned it, really. And that's so unfortunate. I really expected better of Jake, didn't you? It's disappointing, the lack of motivation in people these days.

[

]

used to men bein disappointing
guess he's all mouth no moves
but since he’s busy not caring, anyone who actually nails it might get a reward they won't forget
i've got lipstick on and nowhere to be after this for anyone who needs extra motivatin 💋 just sayin

[

]

Do you know what a union is

[

]

Like an alliance?

[

]

This isn't going to make sense to you immediately
But I want you to remember that I told you this when you start watching those movies:
Vader is Luke's old man

Oh. Does knowing that make the movies better?

🗂️ HEX CLUB INTERNAL MEMO – HR INFRACTION NOTICE 💋
To: jake
From: ani, hr dept (hot & ruthless)
Date: rn. bc ur already in trouble
Subject: FAILURE TO COMPLY / EMOTIONAL SABOTAGE (YOU HAD ONE JOB & YOU FUMBLED THE FUCKING BAG)

dear jake. lowercase. like your effort,
this letter serves as formal notice of your ongoing misconduct in the following categories:

insubordination – failure to promptly assist me in the disciplinary stapling of saber’s ass despite clear, public instruction (see: “if he ever wanted to impress me 🙄”).

disloyalty – trying to side w the union instead of the woman you claim you wanna impress (hint: that's me, dumbass)

emotional terrorism – targeting koby (sweet baby angel, cries easy) with star wars spoilers

your behavior has caused the following collateral damage:

vengeance = delayed (gross)

koby = traumatized (who hurt you?)

my vibes = down 17% (unaffordable)

my panties = staying on (your fault)

corrective actions to fix this shitshow include:

immediate acts of obedience

groveling (in writing or in person. shirtless optional)

a sincere apology to koby w/ possible tribute (flowers? ass pics? i’ll consult w/ him)

failure to comply will result in me reevaluating your character, including whether you're the type of guy to let another man disrespect me without blood, bruises, or even a fucking paper cut.

(you’re not. right, baby?)

xo,
ani mikheeva
hr dept

Somebody call for a knight in shining armor, Ani-bo-peep?

thought u would never ask
if you're not stapling him in the next 10 minutes, i'm calling koby to do it and telling him he's my special boy now 💌

Mangling a co-worker in the next ten minutes?
You know, honey, maybe Koby and I should unionize
Always "my special boy" and never "how can I make you feel special today?"

aww
poor baby
u want a special sticker or u want me to whisper good boy in your ear after u staple his ass?

does it have to be w staples
i hear nail guns work better

honey i want a punishment not a murder scene
silco will make u cry while cleaning up saber's mess if u get his blood on the carpet

but those flat cheeks, a staple's never gonna bite in

just means less cushion, more pain
ain't no gentle stapling in this club

[

]

[so much effort for lil ol him. she's so into him she made a competition out of it.]

And we're not even open yet

gotta set the tone early babe
housetrain him before he pisses on the carpet in front of the clientele ya know

Who's holding him down?

( is this real? )

jake, if he ever decides he wants to impress me 🙄
could always go with a good ol fashion dogpile
keep it festive

( haha just kidding. unless. )

He needs discipline

yeah no shit
and a fucking exorcist
he's lucky i'm feelin generous

this is you feeling generous
good to know

first idea had him sippin from the dirty ass mop bucket while saying thank you miss ani so sorry miss ani between gulps
so yeah
this is me bein kind 💅

That's... on brand
Good to know
I'll make it my mission to stay on your good side, then

every side i have is a good side baby
just some come with consequences

but smart man
stay cute stay obedient and u'll never have to find out for urself

I believe they call it, professional, but whatever you want to call it

If whomever's stealing bras and panties from the Hex Club and Pink Slip dressing rooms is an in-house employee, you have 36 hours to put them back where you found them before my sharpest heels find your most sensitive parts. 🖤

Not doing that. Is someone actually doing that?

Awfully quick to deny it, aren't you?

Just thought that panty raids were only in eighties movies.

Wait, I have a pair of boxer briefs missing.

A solid alibi. Unless you're using the briefs to misdirect us.

[ She's teasing. ]

Right, the classic boxer briefs misdirect

It has only just opened... How are we having such problems already?

[ like he knew y'all were messy just based on everything else but damn??? ]

I think we're lucky it didn't start before we opened, frankly.

Truly? There was colorful chatter indeed, but I thought it was more bluster than action. Such boorish behavior is hardly proper.

Unfortunately we're not lacking in boorish behavior, as you've probably noticed.

Unfortunately indeed. I believe I get a stronger sense of it with each message I receive from the group. When there is a flurry of activity, I know it will not be boring, but it will be enlightening, to put it politely.

I do notice that in the list of suspects, our bouncers are over-represented. Is that to be expected?

Seems marginally more likely than our hosts stealing from each other.

And some of our bouncers are desperate.

Charming.

[ it is NOT ]

I hope they are at least competent to make up for their desperation.

That remains to be seen, I think.

[ this is what happens when you encourage saber. ]

[ does hosing him with tonic water every day count as encouragement ]

[ yes ]

📌 HR MEMO — URGENT(ish)
since nobody's brave enough to fess up, we're putting it to a vote. here's the lineup of likeliest suspects — buckle the fuck up

🖤 Devon — probably too hungover to even lift a sock
👼 Koby — would never steal my panties, but probably cries if you accuse him
😇 Riley Finn — too innocent for this mess... or is that what he wants you to think???
🩲 Jake Seresin — way too busy sniffing my panties to steal anyone else's
🔪 Saber — full-on perv, prime suspect and prime pain in the ass
🐶 Steve Rogers — sweet puppy face. more likely to apologize to your panties than steal em

cast your votes, you fucking clowns. winner cleans the dressing rooms with a toothbrush

🔪

🩲🖤😇

🔪🔪🔪

🔪

🔪🔪🔪

🔪

Is that really my reputation? Doesn't know his way around a pair of underwear?

Would also really appreciate it to be represented by anything other than an angel

you just got that church boy vibe about you
no offense baby
choir boys are usually the real freaks anyway

Church boy once upon a time, but never ask me to sing

🔪 bc that bitch voted for me

You know, Ani, if you wanted my attention, they have this invention called texting

[ But, also, gotta repay his dues: ]

🔪

aw, you think i don't already own all of your attention?
it's so cute when you pretend i don't already live in your head 24/7
and tragic. delusional tbh. like it sounds medically serious
maybe you should see someone about that

You should know
Between you and me
A lot of people want to own all of my attention.
And as many strings as Silco could pull, tinkerbell, I don't think he can just make your wishes come true
Maybe you should speak to the library about that instead of leaving all your things there

omg you're stalking my conversations now????
or just following the scent trail from my panties to the library???
either way jakey that's so sad for you

I pay attention.
Which is not hard when you lose something

[ Jake Seresin and the Reorganization of the Bathroom Every Other Day. More importantly, "jakey": ]

Remember when you used to call me lieutenant?

so you admit you gotta follow me around like a lost puppy so you don't lose me 🥺
you wanna stick a tracker in my thong next, boots? keep me nice n in sight?

( more importantly: jesus christ. like a lying liar who lies: )

lieutenant? hmmmmm
not joggin any memories no
guess you didn't make the title stick

You are such a bad liar.

[ ☺️ ]

(

)

you've got no fucking idea
got a long line of experiences that say otherwise about me, baby
more than you got medals i bet

( what would ani say? it doesn't matter; the narration has always been written by men. fraud, whore, golddigger. easier, maybe, if jake sees her the exact way she doesn't — stupidly, hopelessly, naively — want him to see her. through a chipped, distorted lens. a press on the self-destruct button before she ever gives him the chance to blow shit up.

a tailspin dive, sharply changing course: )

though i guess if you're stuck on that little name, it must've been the best thing that ever happened to you 😘

Top 10
Top 15?
It is so damn hard to keep track

[ Like it means the same. As if it all blurs together, the amount of times Jake's been happy to sink into some holding pattern. Hovering near the door at the Pink Slip at the end of her shift, rolling his eyes, trading barbs for a cool bottle of water, already neatly cracked open for her. ]

We both know it isn't little.

take your time baby
i know it's hard for you to count past five

( asshole. hot humiliation — hypocritical, fucking stupid — fizzles in her bloodstream. not the first time a dude's pretended that forgetting her is just as easy as fucking her. )

with a count like that u must really treasure your lil milestones
congrats to your dick for survivin another ego boost 👍

( buffy who assumed it was spike— )

hey my stuff’s gone missing too!! who’s the biggest perv here?

[ it was, but not from hex club 😔 ]

Saber seems likely, but I wouldn't rule out other suspects.

( this can only mean one thing: )

honeypot panty trap?

I think you're on to something.

(

)

Yours, too!

Edited 2025-05-29 20:26 (UTC)

mine too i’ll pulverize whoever took them

I'm not sure I've reached pulverization, but, I'm not happy
who'd just take underwear
women's underwear, I get
I wouldn't
but I get it
but mine?

riley you can’t say you “get it” that makes you look guilty

I DIDN'T TAKE ANYBODY'S UNDERWEAR

Why am I arguing this with you.
Get it. As in, it's gross, but I understand why a guy, with those proclivities, would
But a guy who does that wouldn't

Buffy, you know what I mean

oh women’s underwear is gross now?

( 100% teasing him )

just kidding. i know it isn’t you. anyway if the panty thief’s goal is for us to go commando, mission accomplished. i’m officially tapped.

(

)

bet you're missing the carnival's costume parade now

i don't need to steal them when they're given to me

I find it hard to believe that Koby is gifting you anything.

leave that pushover out of this
i didn't steal anyone's fuckin clothes from work

i like when they match

talk more shit about koby and i'll staple your fucking balls to your leg
💖

[spicy!]

meow
what else you gonna do to me?

( bro )

📎 hr notice – attention: saber
subject: continued perv behavior & general freak shit

this is now your second formal warning for being a fucking weirdo in shared spaces. violations include but are not limited to:

harassment of koby (hostile work environment)

being a fucking pervert (ongoing)

mouthing off in the group chat like you’re looking to get curb-stomped

openly enjoying threats of genital stapling (????? the fuck is wrong with you)

you’re exhausting. get it together or get neutered. you're one cum joke away from getting sent to the lost & found box with the other unclaimed trash.

xoxo,
ani mikheeva
head of hr (hell & retribution)

you really care about me
thanks for the personal warning

Miss Ani🖤

miss ani 🖤 cares about obedience
not about you or whatever shit throbs in your pants when she says stapler
as always hr values your willingness to humiliate yourself
our records will be filing this under "gross"

Edited 2025-05-29 20:13 (UTC)

I don't believe you.

if you don't believe i like seeing the girls dressed all nice for a show that's on you

i like the fits on as much as i like thinkin about takin them off. you need me to remind ya of our time at the host club?

[ boy she is coming 4 u with the tonic water hose ]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[just as planned]

👌

Given that it seems increasingly likely our thief is not a member of our staff, I must request that our security team keep more of an eye on the comings and goings of our guests.

Anyone apprehended is expected to return all stolen garments, with interest paid to the club at your discretion.

Should we keep a list of missing inventory?

Employees may do so independently.

[ aka he does not need to know how many thongs have gone missing and will not request a formal list of missing items unless theft starts involving actual inventory!! ]

Yes, sir.

[ what happens when your thong goes missing, silco ]

[ In the evergreen manner of a dog who's been taught a new trick: ]

👍
You got it, boss

10-4

Again??

Twice this week.

Maybe I should ask Gale to charm all clothing in the dressing rooms so they'll turn a thief's hands pink.

can he make saber jizz dust next

He probably could. Whether he would is another story entirely.

tell him his morals disappoint me even more than his tits

I'll pass it on.

I meant Well, we had someone taking those things when we first arrived, but it was a test put forth by Giles. The butler, not the guest. At any rate, a charm is a good idea. Or I can keep a closer eye on things while I'm not there?

You shouldn't have to take on additional work, though perhaps we should all be more vigilant.

What sort of test is panty-stealing, exactly?

Oh, I don't mind. I can check on things long-distance if need be. It's very easy for me. I don't like people stealing. A scavenger hunt, of sorts. One of the items was another guest's underwear. It was very early on, the first month we arrived, in fact.

That's a useful ability, if it's not any trouble.

Were you with the first group of arrivals, then?

Not any trouble at all. It's very easy. [a beat, then a little mental nudge, like a tap on the shoulder.] See? I was, yes. Me and some of my crew. It'll be a year next month.

36 hours seems damn generous, coming from you
Spending 35 fixing your claws?

Hmm, you're right. I'll reduce it to 12.

My claws are always ready.

Deadly, I hope.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, Amy Lee
Think there might be a lot of fingers pointed at your boy

I can't tell if you're certain you won't find yourself on the other end of the claws, or if you're hoping you will.

[

]

I don't have a boy.

My mistake.

[ said the most insincere text on the planet. Also, ]

I'm just making conversation.
And I'm surprised
Thought you'd be someone who kept a shorter leash.

[welcome to his radar lieutenant]

[ the privilege is all his, saber, he's around if you ever wanna go for a slightly homoerotic and tense beer and not past the bechdel test 🫡 ]

Making conversation about the length of my leash?

Most people aren't worth the effort of the collar.

Didn't think you'd want to be asked about how tight you keep your collar
But I'll remember that when I'm keeping an eye out for your things.

It's purple leather with a little silver bell.

[ is she kidding? who can never be sure ]

[ Immediately: ]

Got anything in green?

If you find my underwear I might even let you pick out the shade.

As of this notice, this group chat is serving as an open channel of communication between the employees of the Hex Club and our friends at the Pink Slip.

As before, please use this chat to give notice of absences or emergencies.

Bad behavior will earn a warning or an HR notice; three of either will result in firing and an immediate ban from both clubs.

Thank you.

Edited 2025-05-29 22:49 (UTC)

[non-denominational ocean gods help them all...]

Thank you, Mr. Silco and Ms. Ani. And thank you for the assistance in covering my shifts.

[someone got his head cracked open and called out for a week right after getting the job...]

feel better koby!

Thank you, Ms. Buffy. (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) I'm barely even concussed anymore. I appreciate your help and will absolutely assist in any way possible, to repay you.

omg you're such a kissass
🫶
did you do your homework yet
yknow

I'm living up to my employee of the month title for the next two and a half days. ॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ઇଓॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ઇଓॱ⋅.˳˳.⋅˙ॱᐧ.˳˳.⋅ઇଓ Oh, yes. I'm writing up my formal review, I'll have it on your desk by EOD.৻( •̀ ᗜ •́ ৻)

look at my lil overachiever
i used to babysit you and now you're drafting dick reports
you grow up so fast 🥲

You never BABYSAT me, we're nearly the same age. And the report isn't on that. Unless it's supposed to be. I was reviewing the Supplies, not the accessories.

how old are you again
14???
baby i've got trauma older than you

i take it back 😮‍💨 koby don't disappoint me like all men do
you said you were employee of the month
employee of the month doesn't talk back to miss ani
he fills out the blowjob rubric and drops off his throat notes

Twenty. I turned twenty this month, Ani, I told you that. It was on my application (◞‸◟,) Oh! Oh, if it's part of the rubric, then okay. Do I need to title them "throat notes" to differentiate from the other reviews?

( more vanya's age than ani's. she bites the head of that thought off, with the same clean edge of a praying mantis. )

you think i'm 20?????
ty for the compliment to my skincare routine baby

nah
i don't read all that other shit anyway
the good stuff's my job
silco can have all the boring paperwork

[a flicker of something in the shimmer of ani's mind, like catching a flicker of tinsel out of the corner of his eye, but -- manners.]

No, I thought you were probably 22. Old enough to drink where you're from, with a little experience. What is that, by the way? A skincare routine. I've read about it, but I don't really do anything fancy. Except sunscreen, I guess? Oh. Do you think he likes paperwork? [twirling his hair, kicking his feet, dreamy sighing, etc.]

( younger than vanya had assumed. younger than the wear and tear of something worn and torn from excessive use. younger than she feels. it makes her wonder, for a pregnant pause, what youth koby sees in her — what life hasn't been burned away by stage lights, whittled down by the blisters of her pleasers. )

so close 💔
turned 24 last month
dw you didn't miss any party

skincare's vip treatment for your face
you've got your cleanser, toner, lip mask, exfoliators, moisturizers, serums
face mask if you wanna feel like you're giving your face extra tlc
now i gotta get you a care package cause you're fucking hopeless without me 😮‍💨

( koby are you getting horny over paperwork. )

i guess??
he likes to go over the numbers together
i blackout halfway thru every time

[if she'd asked him, he'd tell her -- honestly, openly, because that's his way, because lying to someone he trusts isn't in his dna. he'd say that the look on her face that night, by the bonfire, the heartsickness refracted in the diamond she'd thrown in the fire -- she'd looked achingly young. like a girl, like someone koby might've known. like someone he might've become.]

Happy Late Birthday, then. You don't like parties? Though I guess you were still settling in, last month. You didn't miss one either. Kobymas was sort of the big party for me. Oh, you don't have to go to any trouble. I can look up books, maybe? We never did any of that on the ship -- not the crew. The captain, yes. She was big on any sort of pampering. I remember a little of it.

[you can't give him lube and then kinkshame him, ani!!]

That sounds Very educational and fascinating. Good business practice.

don't like birthdays
mom forgot it so much i started forgetting it too
ain't no big deal. it's just another day of the same shit

you got this real bad habit of thinking i would go through any fucking trouble i don't wanna put my ass through
i got you, rosebud. don't concuss yourself about it

dude
you're being so fucking weird right now

We could have a party for a different reason, maybe? And you could be in charge of everything. So it's for you, but it doesn't have to be a birthday thing. If you'd want. Parties are fun. Right. Sorry. And thank you. It's Nice. I'm not used to it, still, but I like spending time with you, Ani. (˶◜ᵕ◝˶) I am NOT. I'm being so normal. I just find the inner workings of small businesses fascinating. That's normal!

Language, Miss Mikheeva.

[don't bully his boyfriend's bestie!!]

Edited 2025-05-30 01:43 (UTC)

suck my dick
respectfully ❤️

Respectfully, I'm not sure it would fit.

that's quitter's talk baby 😮‍💨😮‍💨
open wider

👍

( and now immediately turning off notifications bc damn doesn't anyone here know how to stfu (pot, kettle) )

what she said.

👌🏻

who's HR? the balfours?

the fucking balfours?? HR??
babe it's me. i'm HR
you need someone's ass stapled you come to me

Edited 2025-05-30 02:10 (UTC)

[ mommy,,, ]

is the other guy the one who staples our asses when we're late to work

Tardiness won't earn such a punishment unless it becomes chronic.

But, no. I believe our bouncers are currently jockeying for the honor of wielding the stapler.

you do look like more of a paper clip guy

I've been told we both know how to keep things in order.

[ is this ...... a joke ................. ]

oh my god

Not raunchy enough?

oh you wanna do raunchy? okay, boss man, next time work "three-hole punch" into it and we'll talk

[dude]

[ dad-coded.... ]

[ daddy??? ]

i love an organized workplace environment my last place could probably learn something from you

[ if u don’t love him at his dad u don’t deserve him at his daddy 🩵 ]

silco's me but with worse tits
i do the stapling, he does the paperwork 💋

if you want any help stapling i'm around or erasing i guess staple removing

Well, this is as good a time as any to mention it, now that things are nicely consolidated. Thank you, Mr. Silco, for this makes things far easier.

I have taken up a managerial position at the Pink Slip, so should you run into any issues, have suggestions, or otherwise have matters to discuss, please do feel free to reach out at any time. I will do my utmost to resolve them to the best of my ability. To the discretion of its proprietor, of course.

I am also available at the Hex Club, but I am merely a bartender and host there, so contacting The Board (or Mr. Silco) would be more productive.

If we have not met yet, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

- Sebastian Michaelis

remember ‼️
the hex club ✨ board is observing this chat 👁️ and has already shot one guy’s dick this month 🍆🔫
with actual bullets u freaks 🤢
so keep that perv shit up ☝️
and u will bleed out ur dick hole 🩸 ♥️

[ and the HORNIER you are about it, the FASTER you will DIE, SABER. ]

SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

✉️ text — un: silco.

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