SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

[powerhungry]

HEX CLUB/PINK SLIP GROUP CHAT. SILCO HAS ADDED YOU TO THIS CHAT. 42 people: Silco, Gwen, Faith, Hawk, Neon, Buffy, Cassian, Devon, Koby, Shadowheart, Stephen, Yeko, Zephir, Dean, Tara, Wanda, Jake, Saber, Sanji, Adrian; Ani, Peony, Bob, Yelena, Valentina, Sam, Max, Tristan, Parisa, Qimir, Thresher, Armand, Shauna, Cellar, Roza, Iggy, Isolde, Peter, Wally, Danny, Eddie, Teddie.

Comments

1/2

[kobes]

[@ koby is typing...]

2/2

[kobes]

[@ koby has stopped typing.]

[haggle]

( yeah, that's what she thought. auto-dq from the jump. )

omg BUSTED & caught red-handed at the scene of the crime
you're not even supposed to be back on the grind unless it's on dick dude

ATTENTION @ EVERYONE
if koby is spotted
— trying to work
— thinking about work
— jacking off on an excel sheet
— drooling over a stapler
— doing ANYTHING that implicates the pink slip & hex club in child labor

DO
— CORNER HIM
— SAY "WHAT'S THAT IN YOUR MOUTH?"
— GRAB HIM BY THE COLLAR
— DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO HIS OWNER (ani mikheeva) ASAP

DO NOT
— HIRE HIM AS YOUR TASKRABBIT
— PLAY FETCH WITH HIM
— GET FLEECED INTO LETTING HIM LIFT A FINGER
— FALL FOR HIS BULLSHIT ("JUST ONE MORE THING & THEN I'LL TAKE FIVE, I PROMISE" OR "I WOULD FEEL SO MUCH BETTER IF I COULD HELP")

THIS IS AGAINST COMPANY POLICY & VIOLATES OSHA OR WHATEVER THE FUCK
BREAK THIS RULE & YOU WILL BE IMMEDIATELY TERMINATED WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
(fired or firing squad. ani's choice)

he's on forced family leave effective right fucking now
(stress is bad for my baby & harshes my vibe)
xoxo

@gingerailed

[dead_tongue]

yeah ok i'm dumb as fuck (as you know, boss) so no way am i applying for managerial work, but i volunteer to help keep Koby away. i'll swat him with a broom and tattle on him to his besties if i see him.

(sorry not sorry, kobes)

[haggle]

iggy
believe in urself
80% of your coworkers would starve brain-eating bacteria

thx precious
snitch loud and proud

[dead_tongue]

💕 you're too nice! now go relax!

1/3

[kobes]

2/3

[kobes]

[well.]

3/3 >> 🔒

[kobes]

I love you too, Ani.

Have a fun time off.

🔒

[haggle]

ew
don't do that shit
feelings clog my pores

that's my line btw
go get your chakras realigned and your back broken babe

perma 🔒

[kobes]

[HAH get cared about.]

Ani, your pores are perfect, don't make ridiculous things up.
I won't say it again for at least six business weeks, don't worry.

Not sure what chakras are, but I'll take the rest under consideration.
Hope you have fun uh
Doing the same?




👀👀👀

[haggle]

idk it's some crackpot GOOP bullshit waspy bitches love to waste money on

( jesus. you drag some dude to a happy family reenactment one fucking time, and suddenly the entire goddamn neighborhood is salivating for gossip like someone's russian auntie, on the hunt for a single crumb of confirmation you aren't going to shrivel up and die alone. )

🛑🛑🛑✋✋✋
the fuck you looking at, sherlock hoes?

[kobes]

I know some of those words.

[which, let's be real, is an improvement from recognizing none at all.

of course koby is insatiable about gossip and information -- almost as much as he is about proper grout maintenance -- but he knows ani. even alluding that she's going to spend time with someone is a big step.

so:] Nothing. 😊 I hope you have a nice time away, that's all.
Stay hydrated 💦 [not what that emoji means, kobert.]

[haggle]

( koby, that's not what that emoji means. )

yeah babe good dick turning me into a super soaker is kinda the assignment thx
don't worry king i'll take water fountain breaks
stock up on gatorade
etc

[kobes]

Oh, and stretching. Don't pull a muscle.
And eat something.
And take a nap if you need to.

[fuss fuss fuss, the girl has had dick appointments before, koby.]

And I promise not to try to work while you're gone :)