SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

[powerhungry]

HEX CLUB/PINK SLIP GROUP CHAT. SILCO HAS ADDED YOU TO THIS CHAT. 42 people: Silco, Gwen, Faith, Hawk, Neon, Buffy, Cassian, Devon, Koby, Shadowheart, Stephen, Yeko, Zephir, Dean, Tara, Wanda, Jake, Saber, Sanji, Adrian; Ani, Peony, Bob, Yelena, Valentina, Sam, Max, Tristan, Parisa, Qimir, Thresher, Armand, Shauna, Cellar, Roza, Iggy, Isolde, Peter, Wally, Danny, Eddie, Teddie.

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[haggle]

🎉 CONGRATS ON NOT BEING A FUCK-UP 🎉
you've advanced to round two of ani's chosen one competition

QUESTION 1. YOU CATCH EMPLOYEES FUCKING ON THE CLOCK (WORKPLACE RISK). HOW DO YOU PROCEED?
a) public shaming (sextape "leak" with commentary on how long they lasted)
b) dish out one-week of community service cum clean-up
c) castrate any man involved on sight
d) close the door & pour bleach into your eyes
e) threesome

QUESTION 2. KOBY SNUCK HIS WAY PAST THE BABY GATE. WHAT'S THE RIGHT MOVE?
a) play him baby sensory videos (blue planet) till he knocks out
b) multiple squirts w/ spray bottle
c) stare menacingly until he bursts into tears
d) let him cook

QUESTION 3. SOMEONE STARTED SHIT. WHAT'S THE SNITCH PROTOCOL?
a) blame a man even if none were involved (they know what they did)
b) accuse saber immediately (safe bet tbh)
c) gather receipts & DM them to ani for review
d) choose bros (them) over hoes (ani) you fucking judas

QUESTION 4. AN UNSPECIFIED MAN IS BEING LOUD, ANNOYING, WRONG, OR ALL THREE IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION. WHAT DO YOU DO?
a) deliver him to ani for capital punishment
b) invest in earplugs & find your inner peace
c) sit on his face until he shuts the fuck up (48-hours min)
d) escort him into the woods & let natural selection deal w/ him

QUESTION 5. WHO IS THE HOTTEST BITCH IN THE WORKPLACE?
HOW ABOUT TOP UGGO?
JUSTIFY YOUR ANSWERS. THERE IS A RIGHT AND WRONG ONE.

QUESTION 6. SOMEONE DISRESPECTS YOUR AUTHORITY. IN ONE HUNDRED WORDS OR LESS, TELL ME YOUR GO-TO RESPONSE.

QUESTION 7. DO YOU ACCEPT YOU'RE ANI'S THRONE WARMER, NOT NEXT IN LINE FOR THE CROWN?

QUESTION 8. WHAT ARE YOU GETTING ANI FOR CHRISTMAS? (PROVIDE RETAIL VALUE)

QUESTION 9. IS ANI EVER WRONG?

QUESTION 10. IS NEPOTISM EVER OK?
a) yes if ani likes them
b) yes if their tongue game's elite
c) yes if they're a woman
d) everyone suffers equally in ani's gulag

[endow]

1. trick question: A & B if it’s the first time, and C if it’s the second.

2. A. I don't see the point in making him cry. Hasn't he been through enough recently?

3. C.

4. D.

5. I need more information. Are we basing this off of looks alone?

6. Disrespect me? I don’t think so. If they want to make this mistake, I’ll put them in a corner and create an illusion of limbo. They won’t be able to leave until I remove my psychic barrier. What do they see there, you ask? Depends on my mood. I’d hate for their worst, most embarrassing memory to be played over and over again. Haha, I’m joking. I’d love for them to experience it. Did I mention I can project the memory for everyone at work to see? You should have a projector room, Ani.

7. Yes, I don’t want to manage this place forever. As I see it, humans deserve some reprieve after that messy situation at the commune.

8. I can’t put retail value on the gift I would give her, it’s a priceless one. She can have details if she chooses to move forward with letting me replace her for the time being.

9. Yes, see question 10. Everyone suffers equally, so! She can be wrong.

10. D.

[haggle]

🚨 bzzzzzt
you were about to take the dub till #9 (you're still on the shortlist tho)
the correct answer is: "ani is never wrong and if she is, i'd reshape reality to make sure she's right"
& #8 should say "no one can replace ani but i'm the next best thing"
#10 is correct tho. i do suffer (from success & everyone else's stupidity) in this place

[endow]

reshaping reality is a perk that comes from hiring me 😉
let me know when someone inevitably fails the test