SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

[powerhungry]

HEX CLUB/PINK SLIP GROUP CHAT. SILCO HAS ADDED YOU TO THIS CHAT. 42 people: Silco, Gwen, Faith, Hawk, Neon, Buffy, Cassian, Devon, Koby, Shadowheart, Stephen, Yeko, Zephir, Dean, Tara, Wanda, Jake, Saber, Sanji, Adrian; Ani, Peony, Bob, Yelena, Valentina, Sam, Max, Tristan, Parisa, Qimir, Thresher, Armand, Shauna, Cellar, Roza, Iggy, Isolde, Peter, Wally, Danny, Eddie, Teddie.

Comments

@🦋

[haggle]

c'mon
treat the kids to some fucking playtime
i've got clean-up covered

@ zombieboy you're on clean-up duty with yours truly 💖
you wanted to fuck around now you're gonna find out you sorry ass fucking slacker

[masticated]

can't get enough of me huh❤️ yeah i'll clean up with ya

you know i was six feet under right?

[haggle]

don't fucking die on me next time asshole 🤷🏻‍♀️

[masticated]

worried about me?
i'll be good for you

[haggle]

worried about the bullshit you keep dragging into my turf? yeah, always
you even capable of being a good dog?

[masticated]

you were bullshit free for a week
sometimes

when i'm well-fed ;)

[haggle]

this pussy has three fucking michelin stars
you can't afford the privilege of eating out here babe 💖

you all good though? gonna have your shit together by monday?

[masticated]

i'll work my way up til i do
you got a taste of

[hold up. wait a minute. this is not a private chat! he is trying to be good! (debatable)]

nothin
been good since i got out. see you then ani

[haggle]

( BRUH )

jesus christ
glad to see you finally value your fuckin balls stayin intact
you been good? keep it that way before i put your ass on parole
see ya

not here.

[smudgy]

[ men will say you’re gonna kill each other and then let someone else finish the job smh ]

ALSO not here.

[ailerons]

[ the face of a man realizing that all of the people he knows at this job could feasibly be the culprit for this. ]

@hangman

[ailerons]

Are you telling me we don't get a gold star for extra credit?

[ Area man poorly pretends he is not going to show up bright and early with (1) coffee 😔 ]

[haggle]

( hm. area woman not not considering the merits of forming reward sticker chart for area man, actually — )

you jealous i'm makin saber my personal footstool or something? knew you were a fucking masochist
i've got two feet yknow 😘

[ailerons]

[ ]

*Perfectionist
;)

Poor man just died, Ani
I am just trying to keep a sense of peace and decorum at the workplace

[haggle]

( first of all: )

hahaha
shit that's funny. "man" is doing a lotta fucking work in that sentence

( squinting. with all the same annoying foresight of a fortune teller who looks at you like they know when and how you're doing to die, or a kid withholding the golden secret they won't share with you: )

i know what you're doing, jake

[ailerons]

Do you?

[ Squinting back. Easy breezy, light and easy, ]

Should I buy a vowel?

[haggle]

( well, if he wants to be a fucking comedian: )

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MY IRL LAUGH

[ailerons]

I love Words with Friends.

[ Which came out in 2009 and also this is not words with friends. ]

Nice of you to give me a hard start
I'll take an A

local comedy queen 😔

[haggle]

lol no way you play words with friends, you fucking muppet
family scrabble nights must have been brutal for you
too many big words for my jakey :(

( alexa how to delete part of a freudian slip text )

wow i'm impressed
that you're already speedrunning your fucking loss jesus christ get it together man

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[ailerons]

I only lose on Christmas, Ani
And birthdays
It's part of my charitable gifts to society.

[ So like, multiple times a year. Breaking news: Local man too busy puffing up like a male bird to stop flirting in the work Slack. ]

N

[haggle]

imagine how charitable it would be if you ever gave us the gift of you shutting the fuck up
you never know, right? could be the solution to world peace
pretty sure john lennon wrote a song about that shit

( imagine all the people living in peace. other impossibilities: imagine jake seresin not speaking. )


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guess i know what i'm getting your dumbass for christmas
a nice big dictionary 😘

[ailerons]

More of a Foghat man, myself

How about I
For I can't believe you remembered my size

[ Not even the threat of imminent hanged death could stop Jake Seresin from making that joke at work. ]

[haggle]

no one listens to foghat dude

( speedrunning the five stages of grief reading a man saying some cornball shit and realizing with abject horror you still want to fuck him anyway — )

three swings and a miss, this losing streak is starting to make me feel so sad for you
cute of you to use my name btw
& to think i haven't read bigger encyclopedias 💔

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not here

[masticated]

[powerhungry]

[ ]