open up your heart / like the gates of hell.

[powerhungry]

JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT TO DO / TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT / TO BURN AWAY / 'CAUSE I COULD BE YOUR STOKER. — psl + smudgy —

Comments

end of s1 au.

[smudgy]

[ Silco is heavier than Jinx thought he was.

Limp with bloodloss, head lolling and eyes unseeing, he slows her usual lightning pace to a slow drag. Dead weight, she thinks and blanches. No, no, no, no, no – She’s never actually been in this position, his heft atop her, when she always drops into his lap from above or leans over his shoulder on her tip-toes. He’s never seemed particularly unbalanced by it, slim arms stronger than people would think, for one who sends his lieutenants into the streets, most days. There’s no such thing as soft in the undercity.

Before he brought her back (because it was him, not Singed, who pulled her from the underworld) she doesn’t think she could have managed to get him home, let alone with the speed required to save him. If he remembers anything from the hour that followed, it’ll be the bite of her staplegun in his gut and chest, the burn of alcoholic antiseptic on his skin, the electric zip of Shimmer entering his veins, and the screaming-crying-babbling of his caretaker. Please, I didn’t mean to, shut up shut up, I was scared, I’m sorry, come back come back come back —

When Silco awakens in his office chair, he’ll find himself bandaged cleanly and Jinx sat atop his desk, knees clutched to her chest. In the intervening hours, she stole his jacket and drape it across her shoulders. Preemptive comfort. Her Shimmer-violet eyes remain red-rimmed and puffy, still wet at the corners. She looks somewhere to the left of Silco’s bent head, Mylo staring back at her.

Why didn’t you do this for Vander? ]

Shut up. [ mumbled into her knees, smudging her dark eyeshadow against the back of her hand. ]

[powerhungry]

[ Death, he thinks, brings clarity. So it had been when Vander had tried to drown him in the river, the panic of asphyxiation (the consuming pain of betrayal) giving way to a clear vision of his path forward. He had died and been reborn in that wastewater.

It's similar, this time. It's not that he can really push the pain aside or otherwise ignore it — the holes in his chest sending blood blossoming into his throat, his mouth, thick and warm and evidence of life slipping away — but when he speaks, there's nothing clouding his mind, not even a stammer in his voice. He has never been more certain in his life.

Don't cry, as his face begins to go slack, as his vision starts to blur, the smarting of his wounds indistinguishable from the pang he feels at the sight of the tears welling in her eyes. You're perfect.

Death brings clarity, and some part of him, wishful, hopes it'll be that way for her. He doesn't bargain for what happens, after.

Life flows through him in bursts, like circuits firing at the wrong times. No light the first time she fires the staplegun into his flesh to mend torn skin, one light the next, a grunt and twitch that indicate something remains behind his pale-pale-paler facade. One blue eye briefly visible, rolling back into his skull; the other, orange, lidless and staring, an unintentional assignation of blame for anyone looking for it. Another staple — a shockwave of pressure, the impact of Vander's fist, of Powder throwing herself into his lap amidst still-smoking wreckage, of Jinx dropping from the rafters — the line of his jaw going taut and then slack again. That injection of Shimmer — his head rolls, cranes from one side to the other as a breath rattles in his throat — he's still in the water, still gulping in everything but air, agony spooling out from the nerves of his eye to through the rest of his entire frame.

Time slips away, so does vision and sound. The pitch of her voice registers as splotches of blue, the sight of her a keening in his head. He's conscious before he fully realizes he is, simply blinking for a long moment before he realizes— he's alive. To escape the darkness once is a miracle. To escape it twice is hubris. But does it matter? He would kill for her, die for her. Most only get the chance to prove such a thing, rather than living to see such a promise appreciated.

A cough gives him away before he speaks, but when he does — again, no stammer, no pause. ]

I thought I told you not to cry.

[smudgy]

[ For all Jinx plays at carelessness (at callousness, in sacrificing lives and resources to her whims and plans), she feels a great deal — obvious to those who know her best or even those who oversee her regularly, like Sevika. Not a mad killer, but an emotional girl, bereft of any anchor but Silco himself.

And so: As he so often has before, he calls her back. His voice hooking into her, a glimmering lure. She hiccups a breath. Uncurls her body to see him.

His eyes blink before her. Powder blue in the iris, shimmer violet in his veins, a brilliant smudge at the corner of his mouth. Her blood, in the transfusion when her help arrived. Her tears, dried on his face, his hand. She surges forward, only to stop short, perched at the edge of his desk. She wouldn’t check her instincts for any other, but for him — she slips a hand on either side of his sharp jaw to lift his head. Her thumb clears the glittery remnant at the corner of his mouth. ]

[ thick with grief, tears slowing to a trickle, ] I told you not to leave me.

[ As if he had any say in the matter, with her fingers first on the trigger, then clutching at the hole in his chest. His shirt has paid the price for her salvage efforts, tattered around his fresh bandages. ]