powerhungry | SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

SALTBURNT | hex club group chat.

HEX CLUB/PINK SLIP
GROUP CHAT.
SILCO HAS ADDED YOU TO THIS CHAT.

25 people:
Silco, Jinx, Hawk, Buffy, Devon, Koby, Shadowheart, Zephir, Sebastian, Riley, Jake, Saber, Steve; Ani, Sam, Armand, Shauna, Freya, Roza, Emmrich, Clarisse, Danny, Eddie, Iggy, Joe.

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📣 ATTENTION HEX CLUB EMPLOYEES 📣
seeking: one brave bouncer to volunteer for the prestigious honor of stapling saber's disciplinary write-up directly to his ass
this is part of our employee enrichment program 💋

🔪 SABER’S LIST OF CRIMES (LIVE UPDATE):
• tried to volunteer to "rough me up" during workout groups like we’re in a very different kind of club
• breathing way too confidently for someone without health insurance
• attempted leg-hump (target: me, unprovoked. attitude: confident.)
• asked if we "like seeing him wet" like he’s auditioning for jail
• public menace to tip trays, coat racks, and god
• generally exists like he has diplomatic immunity
• not even a little bit sorry
• violating the spirit of at least 4 HR rules
• making shadowheart consider voluntary mute status

🖇️ QUALIFICATIONS TO STAPLE SABER:
• own or can borrow a stapler (regular or industrial)
• firm hands, cruel heart, great aim
• must make it poetic or humiliating — both = extra credit

💌 apply to be club stapler today. pls be honest about your passions and skill set
perks include: light cardio, my exclusive seal of approval & the thrill of righteous vengeance

xoxo
– miss ani, unofficial head of public executions

Edited 2025-05-21 01:54 (UTC)

[ this is what a guy misses when he doesn't read back on the chat???

pinging @.hangman ]

Edited (jesus dw i never know what fkn wORKS W U) 2025-05-21 01:56 (UTC)

[he's a pacifist. he's a pacifist. he's a pacifist who likes punching people in the face.]

Is the cruel heart a requirement?

not required but it does speed up the hiring process
HR (me) loves a lil menace in the wrist
will substitute for 3 references who can confirm you've made a grown man cry

Oh, every single day. :)

[himself. it's himself.]

( hmmmmmmmmmmm. )

baby boy "myself" don't count as a reference

Edited 2025-05-21 02:38 (UTC)

Oh.

[caught in 4k]

In that case I think the bouncers should hold him down and you should get to do it, Ms. Ani. :)

koby u are enabling me
and worse: i like it
if jake cared half as much as u do i'd have saber pinned and laminated already

Edited 2025-05-21 03:09 (UTC)

I think you've earned it, really. And that's so unfortunate. I really expected better of Jake, didn't you? It's disappointing, the lack of motivation in people these days.

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haggle - 2025-05-21 03:32 (UTC) - Expand

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ailerons - 2025-05-21 05:28 (UTC) - Expand

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kobes - 2025-05-21 05:52 (UTC) - Expand

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kobes - 2025-05-21 13:52 (UTC) - Expand

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haggle - 2025-05-21 17:26 (UTC) - Expand

Somebody call for a knight in shining armor, Ani-bo-peep?

thought u would never ask
if you're not stapling him in the next 10 minutes, i'm calling koby to do it and telling him he's my special boy now 💌

Mangling a co-worker in the next ten minutes?
You know, honey, maybe Koby and I should unionize
Always "my special boy" and never "how can I make you feel special today?"